FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Soft swinging is basically doing anything of a sexual nature, except inter-couple intercourse, with three or more people. Many people assume that "swinging" means "swapping", but there are other types. Most couple's first swinging experience is usually some type of soft swing. SRS (Same Room Sex) is a common example.

What is a "Hardcore" swinger?

A person or couple who's only interest is sex, and lot's of it. Their life tends to revolve around swinging. Most swinger's prefer to be "friends first" and are not hardcore swingers.

What is a "Wannabe"?

Usually a single or married male that is trying to get involved but doesn't have a partner. So they will lie about a partner to meet you. The partner then "conveniently" can't make it. Even worse is the "wannabe" that will bring an unsuspecting person as their "ticket" into a couples party.

I'm interested, but how do I get my partner interested in swinging?

Swinging is not for everyone, so first you must determine whether your partner could handle swinging even if he or she became interested. The next step is to get them interested. This can be easy, because most people think that their fantasies can never become a reality. The fact is - they can! But, you have to be prepared. Start by getting your partner to talk openly about sex. The more open minded people are - the more likely they are to try new things. Ask them about their fantasies. Everyone has them, but many people are afraid to talk about them. To help things along, you might try discussing your thoughts and fantasies with your partner. Next, move on to imagination, story telling, or role playing. Grab a copy of Penthouse Forum or a similar story magazine. (There are a few stories on SoftSWING that may be of interest too.) Read out loud to each other. Then discuss the stories... What turns you on? What about your partner? You might try watching some X-Rated movies together. The key here is to take your time. Rushing someone is "pressure", and no one likes to be pressured into doing anything. It takes time to become comfortable with the whole idea of swinging. For some, moral issues have to be dealt with. Remember: Don't ever pressure your partner or make him or her feel guilty for not swinging.

How do I talk to couples who swing or are curious about swinging?

The easiest way is to "chat" with them in SoftSWING LIVE CHAT. Some couples would rather look through some swinger ads and talk with someone that they have an interest in. You can make arrangements to e-mail them, chat with them on SoftSWING, or maybe even talk on the phone.

How do I bring up the subject of swinging with my partner?

Communication! This is biggest cause of couples problems. You should have good communications, or develop it, if you are going to swing. Talk about your fantasies. Show your partner web pages like SoftSWING (be sure the page has something that will interest him or her). Some sites are not tasteful and may not be the right thing to show.

How do we start?

Well, that depends on your situation. If you have a club near you, you can visit it. Most of them have an orientation for new members. You can look through a swinger magazine or look right here on SoftSWING. You can even place ads if you would like others to contact you. The benefit of meeting a couple through an ad is you know up front, that you both share a common interest, or curiosity, in swinging. Then you can build a friendship, or get to know each other, before you make any decisions.

How do we meet couples?

Place ads and/or answer ads. Placing ads gets much better results than answering ads. When you place an ad, people will send you mail. All you have to do is answer it when you get a response. You can also go to the swing clubs. Try talking to your neighbors... You meet new people all the time - and probably don't even realize it. Just be friendly and out-going.

How do we dress for a party, and what should we expect?

Dress depends on the dance or party. Ask your host or other club members. Usual dress will be casual, but neat. Remember, you are trying to make a good impression. What to expect depends on the event. But whatever it is, be relaxed. No one will make you do anything against your will.

What kind of people are swingers?

Very normal people, just like you! Swingers tend to be married, friendly, outgoing people. They tend not to be religious. Physically you will see all types; tall or short, skinny or fat, young or old, and all mixes in between.

How do we find clubs in our area?

There is a complete exclusive list of clubs in the United States on SoftSWING. This list has been compiled by SoftSWING and is the most accurate swinger's club list on the internet.

There are no clubs in our area on your list. Now what?

Swingers are just about everywhere. You don't have to go to a club to find them. Check your local adult book or video store for any local swing publications. If that still doesn't help, advertise on SoftSWING or in print. Many couples answer ads, but never place them.

If we place an ad, what should we say?

Say the truth. Honestly describe yourselves and what you are looking for. Be specific. If you are placing an ad, photos will increase your response. Remember, sexy is better than slutty. When answering ads it is recommended that you don't send nude photos until you know the person on the other end is for real. There are many "photo collectors" posing as couples. Photocopies or g-rated GIF's or JPG's are fine for first letters.

We answered an ad! How should we meet?

Meet at a neutral setting (i.e. restaurant or lounge). This makes it much easier to leave if things don't go well. Be on time and make sure that you have given each other specific contact information (i.e. What kind of car, dress, etc.). Prepare preset signals to communicate between the you and your partner, such as "Yes", "No", "Maybe", and "Let's get the hell out of here!" This will make it easy to "discuss" your thoughts with your partner without having to speak.

Now that we've met, where do we go from here?

Don't be shy, if you're ready, make arrangements. Talk with the other person or couple. Set ground rules. Same room, different rooms, swap, or just soft-swing, etc. Once the ground rules are set, go for it. Just remember, "NO" means NO, at any time. If you like the other person or couple, and want to take things slow, invite them over for a BBQ or dinner. Be sure to find out what they like. :)

What if the other couple just wants me and not my husband?

Many couples are looking for bi females. Since they are nearly impossible to find (because most of them are married) many couples have placed ads as "couple seeking couple with a bi-female". In reality, they are just looking for a bi-female. If you have reason to believe that a couple just wants you and not your husband, you should tell them that you are a package deal, and move on. There are many couples out there who are really seeking a couple.

I'm a single guy. How come so many ads say "No single males"?

This is quite simple and often misunderstood. The majority of swingers are couples. The majority of the women in these relationships are bisexual. Very few of the men are bisexual. Most often when a couple is looking for a "threesome", it is because the guy AND the woman want to be with another woman. It benefits both of them. Only in situations where the woman would like two men at once, are single males sought. And single men outnumber single women looking to swing by about 10 to 1.

What about diseases?

Diseases are quite common. So common in fact, that many swingers seek other couples with the same disease. Many couples insist on condoms, some don't. It is a personal decision for you. Don't ever trust tests though. There is no such thing as "PROOF" of being "disease free". There are many scary diseases out there so, do what you feel comfortable with. I recommend condoms for EVERY sexual encounter. Remember that diseases can be transmitted by ANY type of sexual contact. Never let anyone tell you not to use protection, if that is your choice.

What about a "monogamous" swinging relationship?

Many couples today are seeking a monogamous relationship with another couple to limit any "outside" exposure to diseases. In this situation, both couples agree to ONLY swing with each other. This is a very good idea. Concern about STD's is a very real concern for swingers today. This practice would prevent any chance of disease, provided nobody had one to start with. This lifestyle is only as safe as you want it to be.

My wife and I are a little overweight. Should we wait until we lose weight to swing?

This is a VERY common question. You will increase your chances of finding other swingers if you are HWP (height and weight proportionate). Don't let this stop you though; MOST swingers are overweight! You will find all types (and shapes) of couples that are into swinging.

When we swing, how fast do we go?

Always go as fast as the slowest person. If everyone wants to get naked, then get naked. But if one person is hesitant, then everyone waits until that person is comfortable. Not following this important rule can cause problems.

What's the most important thing to know about swinging?

I would say communication. Be as attentive and courteous to your partner as you are to the other couple. Set rules and limits, and stick to them. If your partner does not have fun, you will probably never swing again. If your partner has a great time, you can look forward to having a very exciting future.

If you have any other questions or comments, please feel free to e-mail them to us.